Lucid Dreaming Day 11

I woke up more smoothyl and naturrally today. As I laid in bed I held the dreams in my mind and tried to focus on them.

The first thing I remember is a plane crash scenario. In this first situation I was either hearing or learning about the plane crash somehow.

I was able to watch the crash in 3rd person as a spectator not in the scene. The plane flew over the ocean and as it approached the water to make an emergency landing the left wing tipped into the water and took the whole thing violently down. I could hear a narrator voice saying that 8 people had died and that the plane was trying to land in an emergency. The plane went into the water and bounced from side to side. It lay with the right side facing up (no wing) and I could slightly see inside although nobody seemed to be doign anything to escape. It looked like a cargo plane even though there were passengers.

Next, I had somehow decided to be on the plane. I sat in a seat on the right aisle. We knew the plane was going down. I knew that only 8 people had died so that meant many would live. I was nervous but excited. I talked to people around me as if it were an exciting right. As we got closer to the water I braced for knowing that the left wing would hit the water. I said something like here we go.

The next dream is unconnected.

I am with family. M, D, and B.. B. takes us next door to do whatever we were doing in her neighbors house. We walk by a room and she sticks her head in to greet the owner. Apparently she had called but didn’t talk to anyone. She assumed it would be okay to use their house.

We went upstairs, up a winding, low-ceiling staircase. D. almost hits his head while in front of me.

In another part of the house I am standing at a wall. I can see into a room where there is a guy and 2 pretty girls.

Sometimes the girls come out and talk to me. It’s awkward because M is around so I don’t flirt. 2 other girls come from somewhere. They are into me and in underwear.

We flirt but I keep a low-profile and don’t do anything.

Eventually someone pulls up in the drive-way. A guy in a car. He comes in to wait for a girl next door and sits on the couch.

That’s all I remember.

Lucid Dreaming Day 8

I remember several dreams or it is one larger disconnected dream. There are similar threads running throughout.

At the first I remember being in water moving (I can’t recall the act of swimming) towards and island with 2 lions/tigers on it. As I move up I do something to the lion lounging to my right and suddenly it is accepted that the lion will not do anything to me. It is something like a ‘lost at sea’ island and I am running ashore from somewhere.

In the next I recall being in a large hotel lobby when an earthquake begins. I look around the room. First at the center of the large decorative lobby (it reminds me of an old industrial baron era hotel lobby) I look. This doesn’t look safe. I’m not panicked. Then I move to a doorway. I move here and further in the next room, a reception type area, I can see several people in the middle all crouched down. There are some official looking people. They are also people who I feel probably know more about earthquakes than I do so I move to where they are. I crouch down and put my big brown briefcase over my head for protection. I remember reading about children being crushed by desks when they hide under them and I ask a hotel worker if this is safe. They say yes.

When it’s over I think that it was a long earthquake but seemed not all that bad. It felt strong but nothing happened outside of shaking.

Somehow I identified (it felt like through online looking) that the earthquake was an 8.0. I was very surprised that it was so strong. I had the thought that the building I was in must have been very strong.

The next part I was in a sort of mansion or house. There were other people somewhere else. It felt like a continuation of the first section on the island.

People seem to be going somewhere. I stay behind in a large hot tub room (but unseen). Someone else decides to join me.

I remember jumping through the house, heading down through openings in the rooms. It is a large house with nice rooms.

I get the person and as I head back to the main room I approach it and take a couple steps to fly into the room. I’m low to the ground and have a lot of  control as I go down and under a small overhead thing and land in the 2-story room. I stand on a balcony overlooking the entrance.

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I skipped several days. For most of them I didn’t remember any dreams. In those cases I should review my dream journal when I wake up and research online during the appointed time.

Lucid Dreaming Day 3

I woke up. Then fell back asleep and remember part of the following dream.

I was exploring some kind of place with several people. I can’t tell who they are anymore though.

We are in a packed elevator searching floor by floor. On the first floor we stop at the doors are open to what looks like the room of a house. Some of the people I’m with appear to be on hallucinogenic drugs although I don’t see them in the dream.

In the room a mean looking dog is there so I begin to press the door close button. Whatever we were searching for was not there.

We move down a floor. I seem to be the one leading us and controlling the elevator. The next floor is similar but there is no guard dog this time.

Next I remember going out of the elevator on the bottom floor. I am in what seems like a garage with the front porch of a house inside it. I can see through the screen, what looks like a normal house. To the left of this pseudo-porch is the elevator that I came out of. A man appears at the porch. I get the feeling like I was looking in the wrong place because this house just turned out to be a domestic home. I was apparently looking for something else.

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Writing time: 8 minutes.

I spent some time in bed lying around before I woke up to type this. I tried to keep the memory of the dream in my mind but the time between being conscious and starting to write was long enough that I am aware of remembering less of the dream, in less detail than when I woke up.

Slept from 4am to 11am

Lucid Dreaming Day 2

After waking I couldn’t hold on to any memories of my dreams last night. I seemed to have a very vague, fleeting recollection that soon disappeared.

Possible variables:
I slept from 4am to noon.
Had a glass of wine before going to sleep.
I woke from from alarm but turned it off in a daze and went back to sleep. The first time I woke up to my alarm I did not actively try to recall or hold onto any dream memories.
I did nothing related to Lucid Dreaming or consciously preparing for it before going to sleep. The previous night had been prepared for the night before.

Lucid Dreaming Day 1

Had several dreams. Kept waking and falling asleep only to go into another dream.

I was at a sort of house party with people from my past. A few girls and a few guys. It looked like a somehwhat ruined version of my house in Oklahoma but it was also near the sea.

On my porch I introduced a new friend to an old friend (R). It was awkward between them.

I don’t remember large swaths of the dream.

At one point I was in a kitchen. It was dark and messy. Stuff was everywhere but it didn’t feel dirty. The layout was similar to my house. In the kitchen area there was stuff spread all over the floor and also a large object blocking part of the walkway.

I next remember having a computer in the dining room looking out a window. I was on a couch with cardboard boxes nearby. I set the laptop down and someone made sure to help me make sure not to let it fall. Down the hallway we could see 2 girls and 2 guys sitting on a bench draped around each other. In the dream I knew both girls, I remember one as A. We didn’t know the guys. The girls looked completely bored but as if they knew they needed to keep hanging out with those guys.

Next (possibly after waking up and then falling back asleep), I am watching and controlling a fish in the ocean. It is like a video game in that part of me is pressing buttons but I am not in the dream.  There are brown cliffs to the left that follow along the sea.

I control the fish as it swims. We go underwater. There is some vague unremembered goal. I keep pressing the button to move forward. Sometimes I press other buttons to test what they do and I (the fish) don’t move.  As I sink further I can see a large obviously dangerous fish. Possibly a shark. It sees me and begins to come towards me. I move away. As it approaches I start moving in circles to try to outmaneuver it. It comes from the bottom of my vision straight up and misses me as I try to press a  button that will make me jump out of the water (but I don’t). Now the shark is shown with it’s jaws straight up in the air out of the water with my fish paddling to escape. The shark is moving with me. I know that if I go between the jaws then it will eat me. I try to move back towards the shark and go around the front or back of its head but there is an imaginary limit on where I can go, like a video game. I am forced to move to the right. I feel lucky that the shark is doing much to try to eat me and is instead just sitting there waiting for me to fall in. It also feels dangerous.

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Writing time: 18 Minutes

Notes: I noticed myself entering into my own head to recover parts of the dream that I was missing or in order to see or imagine the dream as it was. This effectively removes me from where I am an puts all of my focus into my own mind where I actively re-enter the memory. Usually the memories consist of dark pictures with faded color or they are short movies.

The main senses that are active is sight. Sound is present in the dream but it is sporadic and didn’t have an impact. Sound faded as I went into my memory. I’ve noticed a lack of any smell, tastes, or physical sensations so far.

Lucid Dreaming Day 0

Today I am starting the process of learning Lucid Dreaming.

I tried this once my Sophomore year in high school over winter break. I kept a dream journal and wrote my dreams each morning in as much detail as I could. Ultimately, I had one Lucid Dreaming experience that took place in my living room (in the dream). It was a rush and I soon went back into the unconsciousness of sleep.

My goal with this undertaking is to give myself an alternate avenue for the Deliberate Practice of various skills in my life.

My first step is keeping a dream journal. I will record my dreams each morning here. The goal of this first stage is to practice my dream recall skill.

 

Peripheral Vision #1

Frogs croaked in a disjointed chorus moving closer and farther from me like a tide moving in and out.

I looked out across the dark precipice of rice patties, full of water from the constant rain the week before.

The frogs lived in the tiny lakes and the lakes reflected the light of the stars through the crisp night air.

There was no moon. Only a dark sky bursting with millions of tiny specks of light.

I had the strange feeling of being able to perceive the distance  to the stars from where I stood.

On the  surface of the water-filled rice patties I made out the tiny shapes of rows of rice plants piercing out of the water towards the sky.

Piercing through the calm dark surface of the sky’s reflection.

Memory #21

The first time I met him he was shouting noises at the night sky with his hands in the air, shirtless, showing off a tanned body covered in simple, black tribal symbols. We were outside in a snowy mountain wilderness, surrounded by thick pine forest, fresh air, and miles from the nearest town. I stood in the snow and he stood on a small boulder silhouetted  in the moonlight from the light of a cabin behind him. Above us the star were crisp.

He shook his body at the air and screamed, “The world’s falling, and we’re on it!” His breath turned white in the cold air. He locked his eyes on me in a wild stare and I couldn’t tell if he was just staring or actually saw me.

“It’s all coming to an end! Did you hear that?”

I didn’t answer.

“Want some whiskey?” He ask, suddenly snapping out of whatever madness had taken hold of him.

“Sure.”

He walked towards me and I saw that he had been holding a water bottle half-filled with whiskey.

He was 6 foot 6 and towered over me, still shirtless and tattooed “Drink it. It’s our only hope.” His voice was relaxed but the way he spoke made me think he was putting a lot of effort into sounding half-sane. There was a tension in it like a criminal who wants to confess but knows he can’t.

We both took a few big swigs.

“Ever been to Thailand?” he asked.

“No. I’m guessing you have.”

“Yeah. It’s the craziest place in the world. Bangkok is the dirtiest, scummiest, hell-hole full junkies, hookers and transvestites. Everyday was like I was standing on the edge of the world looking into a pit. And everyday I jumped.”

“Is that why you left?”

“No. I loved it. Junkies and prophets. I’d still be there right now but I messed up my foot crashing a motorcycle in the countryside. I had to trade in my camera just to get to a hospital. Then I came home because I ran out of money.”

“Why’d you go?”

“To get out of this place. I was sick of the bullshit and wanted out. Drink this.”

We drank the rest of the whiskey bottle. The air was cold and I watched as that drunk tribal giant kicked in the screen door of the cabin, shouting as he stumbled in. The party inside was loud and the mountain was empty and wild.

Nothing was strange.

Memory from Japan #15

There were 5 of us stuffed into a medium sized SUV with rock-climbing gear overflowing in the back. I sat in the middle in the back seat and mostly sat listening to the conversation. This was my first time being the lone foreigner in a group of Japanese guys. The language rolled and spit off their tongue in a slur of half-words and slang but they were the same group of guys you could find anywhere. Conversation swung between sports, to making fun of each other, to girls, and back again with the subtle grace that comes from raw, natural language. I didn’t understand everything but it was all familiar enough.

We hiked down into a valley with a boulder strewn river that was fed by waterfalls from the cliffs above. We waded through freezing cold water to find a good boulder to climb and our screams and laughs from the icy water made the language irrelevant. The climbing area was on the edge of an ice-blue whirlpool, spinning from a crashing waterfall. A couple of us focused on one boulder and set-up pads over the dangerous uneven ground. We climbed and tried to figure out how to ascend the overhanging boulder. Sport superseded language and we talked by pointing, climbing, howling and cheering.

Eastern Visions #4

4. Isolation, Starvation, Kindness, Serenity

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Dusk came and brought a light layer of fog to the valley. I walked along the dirt path up the hill to the villa. Walking in the fog gave the night a strange brightness. I could hear the tall grass and the flowing water but I couldn’t see anything until I reached the villa and the light from the dining area spread through the fog like a blurry white beacon. There was a dining area and little store along with another larger building that looked like a large cabin and the natural bath behind a tall wooden alcove. Everything smelled like sulfur from the volcano.

I walked back through the fog to my tent, ate some bread for dinner, and read The Fall as I relieved myself of the load I had been carrying.

The next day I ascended the cliff behind the villa and made my way to the crack on the top of the mountain that was tirelessly spewing steam and sulfur into the air. The are around the crack was barren and covered with thick grey volcanic ash. The rock surrounding the crack was white and orange. I sat and admired the shape of the whirling steam before hiking to the highest point on this part of Japan. I spent most of the day on top of that mountain, admiring the view.

When I came back down I was exhausted but I was excited to have nothing left to do for the next couple days except lie around my valley and soak up the serenity. I had forgotten a stove so my bag of rice was useless. I climbed on the boulder next to my tent and ate what was left in my bag of peanuts. Later, I decided to go take a bath and relaxed in a small bath full of natural spring water, heated by the volcano. I stripped off my clothes and spread out in the sulfuric water and purged my thoughts of all excess. A Japanese man and his small child came in a little later. He told his kid to stop splashing. I went and lay naked on the patio and stared at the mountainous backdrop, listening to the flowing water below the deck.

Around dinner time I started getting hungry so I went to the dining area and asked how much dinner was.

“Sorry, dinner is only for people staying here.”

“Okay. You guys don’t happen to sell camping stoves do you?”

“No, sorry.”

“Well, let me see what kind of stuff you have for sale.”

He led me to the small store. Their selection fit behind a small glass case and consisted of some instant ramen, trail-mix, various small sweets and snacks, and a some bread.

“Are you sure you can’t let me eat dinner? I came to the mountain but don’t have any food since I forgot my stove.”

“Sorry, there’s no way.”

“Cool. I’ll take some bread then.”

I paid and went back to my tent, ate bread again for dinner, and read The Fall as I relieved myself of the load I had been carrying.

The next morning I woke up and felt fresh. The sky was clear again and the flowing lake of tall golden grass outside my tent poured through the valley. I didn’t have any real food so I decided I would live off bread and chocolate from the store for the next couple days. I walked to the wooded bridge on the path to the villa, and laid down on the sand next to the water, leaning on a rock. I pulled out my journal but I didn’t write anything. I watched the water flowing under the bridge and breathed deep. A spider crawled along a mossy rock near my leg. The air was still chilly from the morning and I walked to the villa to bathe in the volcanic spring. Some of my best moments of clarity have been while soaking in Japanese hot springs.  As I rested with my head tilted back on the edge of a rock I felt a few more pieces of the puzzle click into place.

I left the bath, went and bought a coke for energy, and sat cross-legged on a platform next to the villa’s stream. I sat there for 30 minutes looking out over the valley like it was my own personal domain.

I walked to the store to see about buying enough food to last me one more day in the valley. When I showed up in the doorway the same guy from the night before rushed behind the counter, grabbed a plastic sack full of store goods, and handed it too me while looking over his shoulder.

“Here, take this.”

“What?”

“Take it. I felt bad about last night.”

“No, I’ll buy it. How much?”

“No, it’s for you. I know that you don’t have any food. This place is too expensive anyways. Besides, you came all the way here from America and I want you to think well of Japan. I’m sorry that this is all I can do. “

He pushes the bag into me.

“You should get out of here so I don’t get in trouble.”

“Thank you.”

“I wish I could do more.”

“Thank you.”

It was enough food to last through the rest of the day and tomorrow morning. I went back to the wooden bridge and stretched out on the sand next to the cold water to eat a piece of bread and some carrot juice from the bag the guy gave me and thought about what it meant to be given something. I had nothing to offer him in return. At once I was grateful but I also knew that I couldn’t go back to that store and buy something in good conscience. He gave me free food out of kindness without realizing that he had barred me from returning or staying in the valley longer than his food would last. I knew I would have to leave the next morning.

I spent the rest of the day wandering around the soft grassy campsite, away from the villa, spending my time writing in my journal, reading Camus, and looking out at the landscape, admiring it like the painting it was.

I left the secluded serenity of that valley the next morning, walked down the mountain, ate a hamburger, and spent the next few days wandering around the mountains and volcanos of Kyushu by car.